The Diet Song

Well breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast
no butter no jelly no jam
Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks
no booze no potatoes no ham
Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried
no gravy no biscuits no pie
And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin'
sure is a rough way to die
          
So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune
a glass of skim milk and that's all
Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial
it's drivin' me straight up the wall

And I'm think' of french fries sausage and waffles
spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream and
I'm starvin' to death when I wake
all for your sake

You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes
But it's bouillon and water for me
and you got a lock on the refrigerator
Lord knows where you've hidin' the key
And while I am starvin' for food late at night
I'm starvin' for lovin' from you
But you say that when I can see my own "beep"
you'll be glad to look at it too

So supper two pieces of cauliflower raw
some beefsteak the size of a nail
One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw
I swear I ate better in jail
Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose
girl that's the least you can do
And put down that candy bar while I am singin'
I'm starvin' my ass off for you
And when I am dead with the insurance paid
you'll look down at me and you'll grin
You'll say well the boy tried and he starved and died
But don't he look good when he's thin